13 Comments

I love this essay! For me alone time has to be intentional, scheduled, and I have times when I crave it. I believe if we’re not in a good place emotionally and mentally, we know it and alone time is scary and thus avoided. Without it, however, we never get to that good place.

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That’s a good idea: sometimes we should schedule it, even if we don’t feel like it. We can set an end time too. I think that takes some of fear away

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I thought I was totally okay with being alone for extended amounts of time, but this made me realize that I do actually need company. Thanks for helping me a bit with facing myself.

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Like many things, I think it's a balance. It helps when you find the people that you really enjoying being around, the people that bring out the best in you :)

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I'm honored to be referenced in your essay - I do think many people struggle to be alone with themselves because of the often negative voice in their heads that they don't want to confront- and that is often silenced when distracted, around others, etc. But I'd argue that it's not always about listening/acting on that voice in your head in order to 'Know Thyself'. I don't think being honest with yourself means listening to the voice in your head telling you that you're not that clever, or you're not that special. I think it's beneficial to recognize the subconscious, unintentional voices in our heads so that we can actively and intentionally change what we tell ourselves when we're alone (or with others), and come to love what we tell ourselves, and what we become as a result. For instance, I used to have a voice in my head telling me that I'm a bad public speaker - and I'd get anxiety before any work meeting or presentation as a result. I had to intentionally change the narrative I was telling myself, because it would become like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, I started repeating affirmations to myself and actively resisting the negative voice - I am confident, I'm an eloquent and capable speaker, I am knowledgeable in the subject, etc. etc. and that helped me to eventually become a much better public speaker. But it did take acknowledging that voice in my head in the first place, finding tactics that helped me work on my weaknesses, and changing the voice to a more positive tone. We become what we tell ourselves. And once we become comfortable with, and supported by, our own voice, then we come to love alone time with ourselves.

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I think that’s true! We need to discern which voices are true and which are false. For me, the voices that told me I was smart, I was clever, I was alright, etc. were all false. I needed to accept that and stop pretending.

It sounds like the voices that told you you were bad at public speaking were also false.

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Hmm I’m not sure I agree. I think you’re very smart and clever, and wouldn’t say those voices were or are false. They just also need to be accompanied by voices that tell us to be humble and acknowledge and respect that there’s a lot we don’t know. Also, the voices telling me I was a bad public speaker were also true at the time- I told myself I was bad at it, and I performed poorly as a result. I had to acknowledge the truth in it in order to take action to change that - take voice lessons, prepare a lot, etc- and then also deliberately change the voices in my head to focus on where I WANTED to be rather than where I was.

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Good point. I think my tendency is to be arrogant rather than humble though (at least in my own mind). So maybe the key is acknowledging which parts are true and which parts are false, and whether we have the power to change any of those.

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Great musings on a great topic. I definitely enjoy solitude and also being with people. The trick lies in finding the correct balance between the two, and for that you need a lot of trial and error. Let's place ourselves each on a island alone for a year and come back with out insights!

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Exactly. I think it’s a never ending process.

What island are you going to?

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Amorgos! My favorite island, so far. It's populated though, so might have to find another one. You?

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That's cool! Never heard of it.

I think somewhere in close to Italy or Greece would be to go to. It would be nice if they had an old abandoned kitchen or storehouse with all their ingredients too.

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Hahaha good point, onboard with that too. And awesome, let's find it!

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