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Another insightful piece. This isn’t related to your main message – but your point about us worshipping hard work because we have nothing else to measure, really got me thinking. It’s so true that our society values hard work as our primary measure of ‘success’ and ‘achievement’ in life, and doesn't really think outside of that. I recently had a family member post on LinkedIn about how marriage to their spouse was the greatest achievement of their life (when LinkedIn is often used for career announcements). This person received feedback from an individual who was alarmed that he could view this as his greatest achievement when he’s accomplished so many other things – the degrees, jobs, etc. But to him, it was his greatest achievement because it was the thing that brought the greatest amount of love and understanding into his life. I think it’s sad that society has a tendency to measure success by our pay and careers, rather than the actual impact that we make on others and ourselves. I think our success should be measured by the strength of our connections with those around us. The amount of love, gratitude, patience, respect that we exhibit.

I think this whole essay can also apply to relationships. I think we can be really lazy in relationships that we’re not that into – I dated a guy who would take over a week to respond to any message, and told me that he just wasn’t good at communication. The truth is, he was lazy about engaging with me because he didn’t really want to be in the relationship. I’ve also found myself acting in similar ways when I wasn’t interested in the person. But on the other end of the spectrum – I’ve been willing to go above and beyond, do anything in my power, to be there for those I love – it doesn’t feel like a chore, it feels like a blessing, because I truly love these people and I want them to know it (and I've had others do the same for me).

In some ways, I also think the ‘in praise of laziness’ can apply here in terms of calling friends – I have a friend who doesn’t often want to take the time to speak at length, but she will always answer her phone and give you a quick ‘I can’t talk now, but it’s great to hear your voice, I hope you’re doing well and I think about you all the time’. Whereas I have other friends (I’m often guilty of this), who won’t pick up their phone until they find themselves in a 2-hr block and with the energy required for that long-overdue phone call. It’s pretty clear who I actually end up speaking to more often and feeling most connected to – the friend who uses a lazy approach that works.

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Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply! Yes, I do think success has innumerable ways to be measured, and it varies from person to person, or at least it should, if we accept the opportunity to define it in our own terms rather than accepting the default of busyness or wealth.

And I think you have the right idea about laziness in relationships. We should use it to find ways to make them work well--we all have lots of people we want to keep up with and lots of activities we want to do. It’s hard to balance them all. But laziness can be used to design hangouts that satisfy many of those desiderata simultaneously. Or laziness can be used to neglect some of them in favor of others. But then again, it does take some commitment and scheduling so that we can make time (instead of just hoping to find time) for consistent, intentional time with those we love.

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Excellent essay! I believe when you find the work God has called you to and gifted you with what you need to do that job, it is actually enjoyable. Sure not every hour of every day but overall and the “success” lies in your contentment.

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I think, for me, being able to see how it would improve makes it easier to accept difficulty. I could never see how accounting would get better. I didn’t want the jobs of anyone above me on the ladder. My job right now is difficult, but I can see how it will only get better with time and experience

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